I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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