she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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