I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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