Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
