I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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