I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
