Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
