this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
