Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
