brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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