I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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