I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
