I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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