The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
