so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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