i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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