It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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