Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
