I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
