I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
