You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
