Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
