idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
