birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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