STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
