i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
