Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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