Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
