I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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