I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
