We named our party play list daddy issues
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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