dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
