Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Shame - the story of my life.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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