I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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