I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
