I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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