I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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