It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
