What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
