i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
