i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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