The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
