i jhust puked up my retainher.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
