So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
