Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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