Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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