maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
