WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
