I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
