she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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