Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
