Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize