she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
being pregnant is like rehab
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize