Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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