So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
