I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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