some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
