No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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