16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
