I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
