I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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