Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
