woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
