i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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