I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just high enough for therapy.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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