I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
