and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
