hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
