even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
