i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
