that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
