I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
