So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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