Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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