if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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