If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
