whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize