there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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